And with that usual tightness across my chest and in my shoulders.
Hurry. Get myself ready, get my son ready. Leave in a rush, my patience already starting to ebb.
Bad daycare drop-off and even worse traffic on the way into work.
Hop back into that terrible traffic in the mad dash to get back to daycare before 6PM. That familiar feeling in my chest again starting to rise. It almost feels like panic, but at a low-grade, constant level. Just below the surface, never letting me relax.
Have you ever thought to yourself: "This is my life. I just have to accept it."
I do what I need to do to survive. You ever feel like you are just getting through the day? Even if that means lots of glasses of wine? (We like to joke about moms and their wine but...why does that ring so true?)
Those glasses of wine were definitely masking some pain for me. They were the thing that let my mind shut off for a little bit, but they also meant I was staying up too late, wasting my time watching bad TV, sapping my energy for more productive activities, and contributing to my weight gain. It was an endless cycle driven by a feeling of never enough--never enough time, never enough money, never enough done, never good enough. When was it going to get easier?
You see, I am stubborn. I am independent. Asking for help is a sign of weakness in my book.
Or at least it was.
Now I know that asking for and getting help is really the stronger thing to do. I just didn't realize it back then. It took someone reaching out a hand and just offering me something different than what I'd been doing to snap me out of my funk--that cycle of exhaustion, stress, numbing, succumbing to the harried pace that had become my normal and repeating it day after day.
But taking a risk with a health coach is the single greatest thing I could have done for myself. Looking back, I realize my worries about it costing too much or being just another wasted effort on my part were really dumb. My skepticism was misplaced--it is my nature to be distrustful, skeptical--but self-doubt was at the root. I mean, this fitness program and nutritional shake had a 100% money-back guarantee. Really nothing to lose. But I still hesitated. Could working out at home make any kind of difference? Would I actually DO it? The answers to those questions turned out to be yes and yes--but it took committing to some group accountability and acceptance of coaching to help me get there.
And because of all that, my body and life look totally different than they were almost a year ago. It's not quite a year, but I've been reflecting on the changes I've made lately as the year draws to a close.
I've lost 20 pounds. Countless inches. (Really, countless because I suck at math!) I lost 15 of those pounds in the 1st 60 days. Consistency with my nutrition has helped me shed 5 more and now I'm working on building muscle.
But more than physical changes, I decided to become a coach so that I could share what I've learned. I hear from so many women who feel what I was feeling--almost a surrender to middle age, a resignation that life is just supposed to be like this for a while.
AND IT'S NOT TRUE!
Life doesn't have to feel so exhausting all the time. Sure, I lost weight. But I gained confidence. I gained a more positive outlook on life. I gained control of my emotions. I learned to embrace the things I love about my life and work to change the things I don't. I'm still a work in progress--I hope that's always the case and that I never give up.
I want you to come with me!
If you are ready to commit to yourself, if you've decided that you are worth it and you CAN do it--let's get started! I can't wait.
Fill out this short application to be included in my next Challenge Group that starts in January. Make 2017 different.