It has sucked so much of my time and energy.
I could mourn that time wasted. But instead I'd like to tell you about what I've learned in the hope that you can find peace too.
The far left photo is me, circa 2000. I weighed 95 pounds. I used to go to the grocery store "just to look" and would leave with nothing after wandering around the store for an hour.
I played a game with myself to see how few calories I could eat without feeling really sick. Most days, I made sure to be under 1,000. That's on top of running approximately 30 or more miles per week.
I could not have been skinnier. And I hated myself and how I looked.
Next picture over--sweaty in the blue sweater--was circa 2002. Probably my heaviest, or at least most puffed up ever. And I hated myself and how I looked.
One more over in the black--2004 ish. And, you guessed it, I hated myself and how I looked.
Ahh--at long last. 2016.
I'm sure I could find more in between those two, but it would get old. I'd say the same thing about all of them. I hated myself and how I looked.
It's taken a long time, but I finally DON'T hate myself or how I look. I'm at peace. I accept and care for myself. I am no longer using food as a weapon in a war I will never win.
The point of this story is that what matters isn't the outside. You can be skinny and sick. You can be heavy and feel great. You can be heavy or thin and at war with yourself. Or any combination of those things. A few months ago when I shared my "before" and "after" pictures to announce my coaching business, a friend said to me, "Megan, I would kill to look like your "before" picture." And that made me sad. Because no matter how I looked, I wouldn't want anyone feeling like I was. And that is, after all, what really matters.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
How do you FEEL? I mean really--how do you feel about how you are taking care of yourself.
Are you taking care of yourself? Or have you given up, lying to yourself that it doesn't matter?
Maybe your examples aren't so extreme, but have you ever looked at a picture of yourself or caught a glimpse in the mirror and felt something...bad?
It should not be that way. You are fine. You are amazing. You are everything you should be--no matter what the tag in your pants says.
Don't believe me? Give me a month to prove to you that it can change.
But the change has to come from you. You have to announce to the world and yourself that you matter. And your health matters. In fact, in matters more than anything else. Because how can you take care of other people when you aren't taking care of yourself?
So the real question is how did I get from one place to the next? How can you? What can you do to honor and respect yourself enough to take care of your health the way that it needs to be taken care of?
Once you get your mind in the right place, once you get the support you need from a whole-life health and fitness solution, once you have help breaking through the barriers and excuses that keep you from putting yourself on the top of the priority list--things will start to change. Momentum builds. You grow. Your health and life improve. I have learned that failing at taking care of myself isn't a moral failing or a fundamental personality flaw. I lacked the knowledge, support, and accountability I needed to make changes. I stopped lying to myself about what I was doing. I can't hide anymore. I have reasons that are strong enough to pull me through when things are hard--and someone showed me how to always put those reasons at the forefront of my mind. I want to be around to see my son grow up. I want to be able to run a 5K with him. I want to have energy to coach his soccer team. I don't want to be an embarrassment to myself and my family. I want to live a long and full life where I feel great more days than not.
Do you want those things?
Give me 30 days. If you aren't happy with your progress after you put in the work, I will make it right.
Get started here by filling out an application to join my next group and I will contact you to talk about the customized plan that will get YOU from self hate and food war to self love and peace with your body. No excuses. No more lying to yourself.